Recurring Bits
- Animal Attacks
- Animals are trying to take back the Earth. It’s true. This segment contains stories about animals attacking humans.
- At Best At Worst, At Least At Most
- Hyperbole at it’s best. The Two Jacks give these awards for their favorite and least favorite things.
- Battle of the Fands
- Scott and Joe’s contest pitting band against band in a battle for supremacy. Winner and prize announced on the 2/4/09 episode.
- Catching up
- Just what it sounds like, Huff and Stapes talking about their week at the beginning of the show.
- Celebrity Lightning Rod
- When you see a celebrity in public, you tell the story in the Celebrity Lightning Rod segment. This became a scored competition between Joe and Scott on the 6/4/08 episode. The scoring system was once referred to as “intense” and as Joe pointed out, AKA – boring.
- Computer Love
- Stapes tells tales of the triumphs and perils of online dating.
- Craig’s List Haikus
- Rejoin segment. It’s seems as though the only thing that Craig’s list is good for (besides propositioning anal sex) is the haikus. Scott and Joe read some of their favorites coming out of a break.
- Dr Phil-Joe
- Cause sometimes when you need a little life advice, Dr Phil-Joe is the only one you can turn to.
- Dramatic Readings
- A rejoin segment. The Two Jacks perform a dramatic reading from a movie. Most notable being Juno.
- Emails/Masturbation
- Segment of the show usually at the end where the Two Jacks take calls and emails. This is notable because the segment used to be called “Scott and Joe Watch Each Other Masturbate” or just simply “Masturbation”, which included realistic masturbation sounds. No, they really did. This title was put to an end with the urging of Barry Greenstein.
- Girlfriend Quote of the Week
- Sometimes a girlfriend (or wife) can make a comment so unbelievable, it must be shared with the Two Jacks and the masses of fans.
- Glitches In The Matrix
- When things just don’t add up. Something so strange it can only be classified as a glitch in the matrix. An allusion to the movie where the world is just a figment of our imaginations implanted by the computers ruling over us.
- Joe’s Father Jokes Best
- How else do you think Joe got so funny? A rejoin segment with your joke of the week by Joe’s father, William “Bill” Stapleton.
- Judge Joe-dy
- Best described by the bumper. “Wednesday night is the night for justice. Got a dispute? 866-925-8255. Arbitration, litigation, masturbation. Judge Joe-dy.” Judge Joe-dy’s rulings are final. It’s a new brand of justice. Bearded justice.
- Movie reviews
- Popular segment where Joe and Scott review movies. Sometimes featuring The Stapletons, Martine and Bill Stapleton.
- Obligatory People Stealing Our Shit Segment
- Can’t these guys catch a break? This is the segment where Scott and Joe discuss other people or shows stealing their bits and passing them off as their own comedic genius. Meanwhile Huff and Stapes continue to podcast from a closet.
- Obligatory Poker Segment
- It is a poker site after all. Pokerroad.com dictates that the show must have a little bit of poker, hence the weekly obligatory poker segment.
- Poor Man’s
- Cheap versions of another thing. Example: Hydrox is a poor man’s Oreo.
- Random Purchases
- When you or someone else makes a purchase consisting of a strange mix of random items. Example: Lube, frozen pizzas, Flintstone’s vitamins, and a rubber chicken.
- Retirement Party
- Sometimes things become so overused and cliché that we never want to see them again. The Two Jacks make it their duty to “retire” these things in this segment.
- Round Robin Joke Off
- A cornerstone of the Two Jacks In The Hole radio show. When a news story comes along that is replete with comedic chestnuts, it is Scott and Joe’s job to completely pick it bare of these chestnuts. Then it’s topped off with a rimshot and served warm for comedic hijinx.
- Scott Hates Nerds
- Scott talks about reasons he hates nerds.
- Stand Up or Sit Down
- Segment where a stand up comic appears on the show and sprinkles in some of his/her bits. Scott and Joe and callers come to a consensus whether the comic should continue to “stand up” or if they should “sit down.”
- Stories That Go Nowhere
- Rejoin segment. A clip from the popular game show Jeopardy where a contestant tells a story where no one knows what it means, much less cares about.
- The News
- Cause Wednesday is the ONLY day for news. Scott and Joe talk about the current events in the world. The segment Two Jacks In The Hole was built on.
- This Week In Awkwardness
- Scott and Joe comment on a clip that is replete with awkwardness.
- Throwback Jacks
- Rejoin Segment. A short clip of material from the original Two Jacks In The Hole podcasts.
- Trailer Trash
- The Two Jacks review a movie TRAILER and comment on the potential of the actual movie.
- You Don’t Know Anything Don’t You?
- Rejoin segment hosted by Asterios Kokkinos where he teaches everyone about something that almost no one knows about. Example: leaking classified documents to the public.
- Your List Is On My List
- This is where Scott and Joe comment on a list, such as a “top 5 list”. The epitome of lazy journalism. Also noted for arguably the funniest bumper in show history.